Postcard from the Void #2 – Clearing

by Trinity S. Thomas on October 25, 2010

I find myself being quite disorganized, even a bit “scatter-brained”, which is unfamiliar. Equally unfamiliar, I’ve had three spontaneous outbursts of real belly laughs in the last week and one spontaneous little dancing jig in my kitchen, so I can tell that something good is making its way to the surface.

I’ve given in and given up on a few things I thought I never would in these past few months. It reminds me of when I was very small and my Mom was teaching me to clean out my closet. We were giving some clothes and shoes and even toys away. I didn’t want to! It seemed unreasonable to me to give my things away. I didn’t like the empty spaces left behind. I missed my familiar stuff.

My Mom patiently explained to me that the old clothes and shoes didn’t fit me anymore and that, in fact, they were uncomfortable and some of them looked funny on me. I had to agree. She mentioned that actually I hadn’t played with those toys in quite a while, that she thought perhaps I had outgrown them. She had some good points. “But it looks so sad and EMPTY!” I wailed my very best wail. “More clothes and toys will come, you’ll see,” she said. “But I want them N O W!” Bet you can guess who that was.

In some ways I haven’t changed that much in decades. It still feels hard for me to let go, uncomfortable to feel empty, and risky to blindly trust good things are coming. I’m so grateful for knowing that indeed the emptiness will fill, in time. And at this point, I’m the one who will be choosing what fills it.

I’m comfortable with that. And I’m still surfing in The Void. More postcards in the days to come.

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